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Chances are, you know you could be more assertive. If you are like nearly every American polled (91%) you can even identified at least one person with whom you need to be more assertive. All you need now is the confidence to take it to the next level.
So, how can you build your confidence?
One approach would be to rely on some standard stress management practices. Remember, a little stress is not necessarily a hindrance: many actors find that a bit of performance stress in fact helps them perform much better on stage than they might have done in a film or television studio.
Here are some tips for keeping stress to a manageable level:
Know your stuff: The better prepared you are in terms of the details of a situation, the less you will have to fear unexpected developments. Tennis great Arthur Ashe once famously stated “One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.”
Relax: Or relax as much as you can. Be aware of over-stressed behavior (rapid, shallow breathing, and tense muscles) and modify this by slowing down your breathing and progressively relaxing your muscles (tense your toes, and breathe in; relax your toes, and breathe out; repeat this sequence for calf muscles, buttocks, stomach, fingers, arms, neck, eyes).
Watch Your Diet: Avoid beverages or food that might “wind you up” or make you feel ill. Fast foods can leave you feeling dragged down, and too much caffeine can artificially raise your levels of anxiety.
Stay Positive: Reject fantasies of failure and any self-destructive messages to yourself (“I always mess this up; I’ll never succeed at this”). Imagine what it will feel like to succeed or to achieve the kind of results you are looking for.
Gaining confidence through risk-taking
Another way you can become a more confident person and, thus, be more assertive is by taking small, manageable risks in your daily life. This does not mean placing yourself in dangerous situations: it simply means that you begin to push the limits of your comfort zone and gradually become comfortable with more stressful situations. The more you do this, the more likely you will perform better in encounters with problems of all types.
Your Assertive Rights: Another way in which confidence can be boosted is to be familiar with your assertive “rights.”
I have the right to:
1. Be treated with respect and to respect others.
2. Ask for explanations for things I do not understand.
3. Change my mind.
4. Make mistakes, be responsible for them, and learn from them.
5. Say “No” without feeling guilty.
6. Express anger, appreciation, and other feelings when and where I think appropriate.
7. Express my ideas and opinions and have them listened to.
8. Make reasonable requests, and the responsibility to acknowledge other’s rights to refuse.
9. Not assert myself.
10. Be paid what I’m worth.
Remember, a right is something that you are entitled to. It’s not a privilege. Remember also that rights need to be balanced with responsibilities. If we do not accept this balance, then assertiveness simply decays into aggression or selfishness. If you know what your assertive rights are and become determined that you will no longer have these rights violated, then you are well on the way to being a more confident and assertive person.
Our process for making choices is ultimately as important as the choice itself. I encourage anyone reading to test this hypothesis. Take a few minutes to complete the activity that accompanies this article.
In summary, investigate and acknowledge the basis for your own feelings, consider whether alternative solutions may be better than a face off, consider your own purpose and whether it is on task or if it is loaded with conflict that is unrelated to the situation at hand. Finally, focus on long-term solutions (not just the satisfaction of telling your side), and choose an appropriate time and situation, versus the off-hand attack that leaves all sides defensive.
Mastering Difficult Conversations
- Prepare by walking through the three conversations.
- Check your purposes and decide whether to raise the issue at all.
- Don’t start from your version or your counterpart’s version of the situation. Start from the “third story” of the differences between your stories.
- Listen carefully to their story, and then tell yours.
- Problem solve by considering options that meet the most important concerns and interests
A successful outcome of a difficult conversation is realized when the organization wins, regardless of individual wants and needs.
The No Complaining Rule
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The trend toward an organizational “no complaining” rule is gaining popularity, so in this article we will look at how and why companies are enlisting this rule as the bedrock of cultural change in their organization.
Why do people complain? Usually for one of two reasons: (1) because it has become a habit and (2) because they feel fearful and helpless. Both of these reasons are important to organizations that recognize the value of a shift away from a common culture of complaint.
While it’s true that shared experience is what brings people together, holding them together through emphasis on the negative experiences they share creates a cultural purgatory that will eventually lead to a negative affect on your bottom line.
Granted, in the economic roller coaster of the last 18 months, many people—even employees of yours—have complaints that are grounded in very real situations. People are being asked to do more with less, stretch their budgets, work longer and often they don’t know what the future holds. While all of this is true, it is also true that a pervasive culture of negativity bleeds the organization of its ability to bounce back and recover when it really needs to. So how can you start to shift the tide? Here is a step-by-step guide based on The No Complaining Rule, by Jon Gordon:
1. Get your group together and explain the cost of negativity and
complaining; in other words, raise awareness of your complaint culture.
2. Discuss the difference between mindless and mindful complaining;
mindless complaining focuses on problems, whereas justified complaining
focuses on solutions.
3. Make sure that everyone understands how your organization will
consider and address complaints and turn problems into solutions.
4. Listen to complaints and solutions and give all of them their air time. Not
all solutions will be used, but let your team know that they will be heard
and considered.
5. Celebrate successes of people who turned their complaints into solutions
and innovations that benefited the organization. Don’t wait for the annual
meeting! Do this continually through email, web site postings,
conference calls and meetings.
Make creating a positive culture a priority amongst managers and leaders in your organization. You will find that the energy previously being spent on complaining will now be freed up for creating solutions and (ultimately), increasing productivity!
How to Create a Positive Workplace
While it’s true that shared experience is what brings people together, holding them together through emphasis on the negative experiences they share creates a cultural purgatory that will eventually lead to a negative affect on your bottom line.
These days, employees are being asked to do more with less, stretch their budgets, work longer and often they don’t know what the future holds. While all of this is true, it is also true that a pervasive culture of negativity bleeds the organization of its ability to bounce back and recover when it really needs to. So how can you start to shift the tide? Here is a step-by-step guide based on The No Complaining Rule, by Jon Gordon:
- Get your group together and explain the cost of negativity and complaining; in other words, raise awareness of your complaint culture.
- Discuss the difference between mindless and mindful complaining; mindless complaining focuses on problems, whereas justified complaining focuses on solutions.
- Make sure that everyone understands how your organization will consider and address complaints and turn problems into solutions.
- Listen to complaints and solutions and give all of them their air time. Not all solutions will be used, but let your team know that they will be heard and considered.
- Celebrate successes of people who turned their complaints into solutions and innovations that benefited the organization. Don’t wait for the annual meeting! Do this continually through email, web site postings, conference calls and meetings.
Make creating a positive culture a priority amongst managers and leaders in your organization. You will find that the energy previously being spent on complaining will now be freed up for creating solutions and (ultimately), increasing productivity!
The Art & Science of Delegation
Effective delegation is the best indicator of effective management simply because it is so basic to both personal and organizational growth.
–Stephen R. Covey
Are you a Producer? If you are a producer who can delegate effectively, then your accomplishments far exceed your efforts, because those you foster will also be producers for you, exponentially increasing your output.
Most managers may think this obvious; of course you have been delegating tasks for years. However, let’s focus on effective delegation that focuses on results instead of methods. This kind of delegation allows people to choose the method of accomplishing the task you have delegated to them, and makes them responsible for the results.
By developing mutual understanding in the following areas, you will be able to foster stewardship delegation versus task delegation:
Desired Results—Start by creating a mutual understanding of what needs to be accomplished. Be clear, and focus on what needs to be accomplished, versus how it is going to happen.
Guidelines—Identify parameters and possible pitfalls; are there mistakes you have made that you can share? Are there resources that are off limits in this situation? Share these with your subordinate, so he or she doesn’t waste time and energy going down a “failure” path.
Resources—Identify the human, technical, financial or organizational resources that are available.
Accountability—What are the standards of performance? Don’t leave the set-up meeting without conveying a performance expectation.
Fostering trust will bring out the best in your staff. Stewardship Delegation, as it is called by Stephen Covey, in his landmark classic, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, will ultimately result in much more work getting done. It naturally combats Gofer Delegation that requires management of methods as well as results. Follow the Action Steps to get started on fostering stewardship delegation!
Polish Up Your Innovations Skills
Did you know that at most companies, executives don’t feel personally responsible for being innovative? Strangely, they tend to feel that they are personally responsible for facilitating innovation, which is entirely different from actually coming up with the grand concepts that have created unique new business models and products.
Three Steps to Self Management
Many of us lose sight of these as we get immersed in rush of day-to-day life. Do your personal goals complement your business goals? Asking yourself this question will root out any dissonance between these two areas of your life. And remember, you DO have two areas; professional and personal. If they are not in harmony, determine whether the business goals can be re-oriented or modified to support what you would like to achieve personally.
There is never a better time than right now for planning to do things differently. Take charge of yourself and your business by choosing a direction that allows you to meet both your personal and business goals, and still retain your sanity!
Teamwork – Flip the Switch
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
There are many methods and models for fostering a cohesive, effective team. Any of them could work well in your organization. Perhaps you have tried a few theories and have come up with some of your own “teamwork best practices” that are particularly helpful for you and your team members.
Regardless of the steps you use to facilitate a successful team, one trait that crosses all teamwork methods is employee involvement. If you can effectively include the team at each step of the way, you will retain employees and foster an environment that motivates participants to contribute and invest in the cause.
The how of involving team members is often the most challenging part of the process; once you get them involved, you will be on your way. Successful employee involvement comes from following a continuum that leads to decreased influence by you, the leader, and increased influence and decision- making power by the team members.
First, communicate and sell your idea. The supervisor makes the decision and announces it to staff, providing complete direction. Gain commitment from team members by “selling” the positive aspects of the plan.
Now, confer, invite others to join and delegate. Even though the leader retains authority to make the final decision, she still invites input. Let employees know that their input is needed but final authority still rests with the manager. Follow this up by inviting team members to make the decision with the supervisor. At this stage, the supervisor considers his voice equal in the decision process.
At this point, the supervisor turns the decision over to the team. Successful delegation has a built in feedback loop and concrete timeline. Voila! Now watch your team take off.
